I really don't know who, if anyone, will read this (today or ever), but I feel compelled to begin my "blogging" on this Easter Sunday, April 8, 2007. Perhaps it is the fact that I am sitting at home, not going to a poignant and heartfelt Easter program at a church - or perhaps the fact that for the past three years, I have not been able to go to "church" because of my son's difficult and sporadic autistic behavior. Perhaps it is because for the past six months, I have spent about 70% of my time lying on my back in bed with acute fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue syndrome and all of the multitude of conditions that go with them. In a nutshell, I have given in to my circumstances.

My point is, it is time to receive the resurrection power which I (and all of us) have been given by Christ's death, burial and resurrection. Easier said than done, you say? Well, perhaps. But it is true all the same. Just because you don't believe something, does not believe that it is not true.

How many of you can relate to what I am saying? You feel like God has forgotten you, or that He is mad at you and left, or that you must have committed the unpardonable sin, or that you have taken your backslidings just a little too far this time? Let me tell you. For those of you who may be new believers, I am speaking from over twenty years of walking with the Lord - and you may need to get a few years under your belt before you can fully grasp this. Even those of us who are "called" into the ministry (which we all are), we, too, can feel like we are all alone in our trials; that God has left us or given up on us. This, of course, is a lie and contrary to God's word. And we must continually remind ourselves and fill ourselves with His word (and not our own fears and doubts).

He said that He would never leave us nor forsake us. But why, sometimes, in our most grueling trials, does He seem to be so far away or untouchable? You could literally drive yourself crazy trying to figure things out. That is when you just need to trust His word. You know it is truth. You know that you know that you know - so just defy common sense and what the world may tell you - and believe Him. When all else humanly possible fails, just believe God - plain and simple. Surrender to His word, to His will, and to His love.

Throughout my struggles and sufferings one thought has always been with me - that although I feel isolated and alone, He is just waiting for me to come to Him in Spirit and truth. He stands at the door and knocks. We get so wrapped up in our own misery (which sometimes cannot be helped, but can be overcome), that we unknowingly elevate our misery above the throne of God. (Sound familiar? This was one of Lucifer's goals.) Technically, this is called idolatry. So, without knowing it and certainly without meaning to, we have fallen into idolatry and put ourselves and our problems ahead of God. Oh my. Did I do that? I would never do such a thing, we say.

Well, I for one have decided that enough is enough. I am tired of allowing these hellish syndromes and conditions to dictate what I can and cannot do. If I don't succeed, at least I will have tried. Scripture does tell us that "the same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead resides in us, and will quicken our mortal bodies." On that I will rely.

Any of you out there with fibromyalgia? Are you ready to break out of your "brain fog?" Ready to let God arise and quicken your aching and fatigued body? Let's go for it on this Resurrection Day. Pray for one another that we might be healed. Pray for the grace to accomplish our goal. Surrender to God's amazing love and let Him carry us through it to victory.

As one New Yorker once said, "it can't hoy-t." (hurt, in case you don't grasp the accent).