I am
speaking now specifically to those hundreds of thousands of people
(mostly women) who suffer from this “thing” called “fibromyalgia.”
It’s a rather disgusting word all by itself, and it is even more
disgusting to live as its victim….trapped in its endless tentacles
of pain, depression, fatigue, guilt, and
self-hatred.
Why do we hate ourselves? Because we can’t do what we need to do,
and it is killing us inside. The pain is so overwhelming that it is
a struggle to even get out of bed, and the worst part - no one
believes us.
This is fibromyalgia, and this is what kept me bound for over eight
years - to the point that last year, I was bedridden for 75% of the
time and few outside of my immediate family even knew it. I was
taking Trammadol (generic for Ultram), which doctors recommend
because the FDA has not yet
ruled it
a narcotic. I was taking Hydrocodone as a side-kick for the
Trammadol because it fooled my brain into thinking I had the energy
to do some things like wash the dishes or clean the house. Doctors
would call this “euphoria,” but it worked for me. Also, I was
taking Effexor as an anti-depressant; and Adderall for adult ADD
(which I’m not really sure I ever needed).
By November 2007 it had gotten so bad that massive doses of
medication did not stop the pain. The Trammadol, which I will
discuss at length at another time, was losing its effectiveness;
and the Hydrocodone would only really work well for a week. Even if
I took more, it only made me feel worse. My head was mush. My
emotions were numb. And I couldn’t hear the voice of God! All of
this and I was trying to care for a 12 year old son with cerebral
palsy and autism.
When I would talk to people, I could never give a good report. (I
don’t hide my true feelings very well, so pretending would not have
been an option.) My children were tired of me being sick. My
husband was miserable with it. I felt alone, abandoned by God, and
useless.
And then….. funny how God seems to pop into the picture just at
these times…. And then my friend, Alice, sent an email about
a
Be In Health®
conference
coming to Atlanta the next week with Pastor Henry Wright from
Thomaston, Georgia. I had heard about him and had read his
book, A
More Excellent Way, which
deals primarily with spiritual roots of sickness and disease. I had
read his writings about fibromyalgia, and I agreed with them - but
it was not yet my time.
Now, however, it was time. I was ready. I was tired of being sick
and tired, and my whole self (spirit, soul, and body) was saying,
“That is enough!” I knew that I had to go. My family rallied around
me and agreed to help with Ian so I could attend. So, for three
days I listened to Pastor Wright teach about this little three
letter word called “sin.”
Having been walking with the Lord for 23 years and having been in
ministry for almost as many, I can’t say that “sin” is a subject
that I would have openly discussed - at least, not certain things.
No, I am not talking about deep, dark, hidden sins - but “the
little foxes that spoil the vine.” And some of these sins we had
nothing to do with….until we obeyed their instructions. These are
generational sins, passed down from generation to generation, just
waiting for someone to take the bait!
I believe that the first thing to leave me was a spirit of shame -
which I know left me as a direct result of revelation from the
teaching of the Word. I suddenly had no trouble at all talking
freely about any area of my life - those which were under the
Lordship of Jesus Christ and those which were not. So, by the time
the day of ministry came, I was ready, willing and able to do
whatever was necessary for my freedom.
After my first counseling session I heard the Holy Spirit speak to
my heart - as clearly as I had ever heard Him. “Stephanie, you need
to ask My forgiveness. You have blamed Me for all of this.” Well, I
broke into a thousand pieces - explaining to the counselor that
there was one other thing that I needed to do. So, she helped me
pray a prayer of repentance to the Father, asking Him to forgive me
for blaming Him, and a prayer of forgiveness of myself.
During the next counseling session I was primed and ready to go. As
the pastor and his wife went through all of the spiritual roots of
fibromyalgia, as well as other areas which were illuminated by the
Holy Spirit, I found myself being delivered…. really delivered.
Now, I have worked in deliverance ministry for years, and I know
the manifestations. I actually was tickled because I kept yawning,
which is one of the manifestations of a spirit departing. When we
were finished, I felt light as a feather. Such a heavy weight was
lifted, praise God.
On the way home I told my daughter that something had happened, but
that I needed to be quiet for a while and let it sink in. The next
morning, while taking my son to his school, the revelation of my
healing hit me like a bolt of lightning. I was so overpowered by
this that I practically jumped out of my skin! I was healed. I was
healed. My relationship with God had been restored. I was back in
the Secret Place of the Most High (see Psalm 91), and I was back
under His wing of protection. I was once again obeying the law of
Christ - loving the Lord My God with all of my heart, mind, soul
and strength, and I was loving my neighbors and I loved
myself.
Within a few days I was out of my pain meds, and I didn’t get any
refills. That was three months ago. I am walking out my healing -
and I realize that much of the actual pain was in direct relation
to the pain medications!
I encourage everyone to visit
Be In Health®,
and
order Pastor Wright’s book, A
More Excellent Way. If you
are willing, it can and will set you free. I am a 7000 Associate of
the ministry, and will be sharing a good bit with our readers as
well - particularly as I walk out my deliverance from fibromyalgia.
There is hope. Do not despair. If the Lord can pull me out, He can
do the same for you. Keep pressing in to Him, for it is only in Him
that we will find our ultimate salvation.